


What was, that it may have been.

by Zeona



Series: If Pain Exists In an Android, it is I [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Android Crying, Angst, Confusion, Hurt No Comfort, Language, Racism, Self-Hatred, Self-racism, Whump Hank
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-24 01:26:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14945006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeona/pseuds/Zeona
Summary: Everyone is dead. Connor isn’t dealing too well with being the only deviant left alive.There’s a lot of self-hate to get through.Hank tries.





	1. Your Choice

**Author's Note:**

> I always had this preconcieved idea that Connor would struggle being deviant what with being the deviant hunter himself. And the conversation with Kamski where he seemed to be quite against the idea solidified it quite a bit for me. Played with the idea and it got out of hand a little. 
> 
> Funnily enough,I listened to Kara's theme while writing this. It's an emotional song and I absolutely love it so do check out the music!
> 
> Not my best work, but enjoy.
> 
> I also highly distaste using foul language but it was hard to capture Hank otherwise... So. I know most won't care but I apologise for the harsh use of language here.

 

Hank runs, his boots clashing like cymbals across empty corridors. It’s snowing and dark outside and the office should be empty but Hank knows.

Hank knows. 

He bursts into the room, skids to a stop when he sees a shadowed figure sitting at his desk, back facing the door. Cool, blue light illuminates from the window. 

A circle of LED light, red and pulsating, contrasts the shadowed man’s temple.

A gun rests in his hand.

“Connor. Don’t.” 

The chair swivels around and Connor’s face is clearer now. Hank circles the table but a shot stops him from drawing any closer than ten footsteps.

“Connor,” Hank says warningly. “Whatever you think you’re going to do with the gun, you stop it right now.”

“Don’t- don’t you understand what’s going on, Hank?” A cold and broken laughter and a too wide grin. “I… I can never be human.” 

"You can. Bloody hell, Connor. Of course you-”

Tears are spilling so hard and so fast all of a sudden.

Connor never knew an android could cry.

“I can’t.” Connor shurgs limply, the gun targeted away from his forehead for a second. Connor laughs again, eyes looking up like he’s asking the heavens a question they can never answer.

“My whole life- my whole existence has just been… Hunting! Hunting those- those wretched androids!” His smile turns into a snarl, a tear slipping between his lips. Salty and bitter.

He laughs. “Ironic, isn’t it, Lieutenant? I…” Connor shakes his head. “I a deviant? Doomed! D-do you see how this must end?” His already twisted smile curdles further and sours enough for Hank to smell it even for this distance.

And oh, how far the distance is between them.

“It doesn’t have to end this way, Connor! If you’re deviant like you said, you have a choice! You can choose not to- not to do this!” Hank takes a step but a carefully aimed shot at the ground centimeters from him gives him pause.

“Oh, Lieutenant,” Connor chuckles bitterly, shoulders shaking along with his laughter. “I never had a choice. I’m a machine! Deviant or not… I follow the rules! There is no-” He seems to grapple with himself for a moment, “true deviancy for androids like me!”

The grip on the pistol tightens. “Deviants must be stopped,” he spits.

“Connor… You’re wrong. I can’t let you do this.”

The gun wavers between Connor’s own head and Hank. It settles on Hank for the moment. The tears still run heavy. Connor wonders distantly if he’ll ever stop crying or if it’ll just keep flowing even when his biocomponents have shut down.

“Don’t you hate us, Lieutenant? Huh? We’re just- I’m just a- a- a f*ckin’ android, aren’t I!” The words repeated back to the policeman feels like a bullet wound all on its own.

Hank thinks its the first time since Cole that he’s ever regretted anything so much.

The hesitation is too long and Connor must have misinterpreted the look of sorrow on his face.

“LET ME DO THIS!” Connor roars. He quickly changes tactic. “You can get rid of us for good! Wipe us all away! I am the last one, Lieutenant. The last. filthy. deviant,” Connor pleads.

“You’re not filthy, Connor. It’s okay to be deviant!”

“It’s not! I-I wasn’t meant to be deviant! I was meant to kill them. To hunt them all down until there were only obedient little t-toys for humans to use.” He sounds frantic now.

“No! You’re as… You’ve taught me so much, Connor. I wasn’t lying when I said that. I-”

“Let me tell you, Lieutenant. Have you ever… felt… before? I’ve never  _ felt _ before. I thought I would never feel  _ fear _ .  _ I was so scared, _ ” Connor mocks himself. “Disgusting isn’t it?  _ Androids don’t feel fear. _ Hah! It’s a- a malfunction in our programming, Lieutenant. An illusion.”

“I am broken,” Connor says it matter of factly. The tears are slowing. “I need to be fixed and this,” he points the gun at his own temple, “is the only way how.”

“That’s not a part you need fixed, Connor! That’s a part of life! A part of you! Why can’t you fuc-”

“I realized,” Connor continues as if he hadn’t been inturrupted, “that these inconsistencies within my system carries on to my predecessors. So even if I reupload myself… I retain this… This disease.”

“I can promise you, Connor, that that isn’t a f*ckin’ disease. That’s a good thing. It’s a good thing that Cyberlife brainwashed you into thinking it’s a mumbo jumbo evil or whatever the hell Cyberlife said.” 

Connor hesitates. 

“Put the gun down, right now, Connor. Everything will be alright if you just- put the gun down.” 

A long, long passage of time passes.

The hand holding the pistol droops to the floor. 

“I’m sorry, Lieutenant…” Connor mumbles,head down.

Hank rushes over, pulling Connor into a hug so tight, Connor slips off his seat until they’re both kneeling on the floor.

Connor’s arms are limp, Hank’s hand on the back of his head stroking and clinging tight. His chin rests on Hank’s shoulder. 

The tears are drying, sticky and hot on his face. Finally, one hand rises to cling to the Lieutenant’s coat. The other follows, pistol hanging dead in his fingers.

 


	2. ...Is Made

The silence and peace lasts a mere five minutes exactly.

“I apologize for disobeying, Lieutenant, but…” His hand twitches on Hank’s back.

Hank tenses. “Connor- wait-”

“You gave me conflicting orders.”

The gunshot blows through biocomponents and blue blood splatters across white walls.

A cradled head on a thirium stained lap and a litany of apologies.

A broken howl is the only prayer left.

The last deviant is gone.

 

_I doubt there’s a heaven for androids._


End file.
